I came out of Virgin Mega store today and realized it was snowing.

I don’t know where I’ve been the last few years.  But I’ve been secluded in a place I won’t call home, but a room.  Viewing the white flakes from the sky to eye-level was amazing to me at last. It was brand new again.  I kept myself hidden from the cold that defines New York for all too long.  I was out again with pallid freckles against my cheek.

And I thought about Christmas.  A Holiday I truly hate.

Over at Union Square there is this market for the holidays.  A lot of people make their own jewelry, their own hats, their own muffins, penchants and things to lure you out of your money with gifts for your family or those people you find to be important.

I told my brother let’s go over there.  Let’s check out the market.

We go along through the trail to see the many items in store for wandering foots like us.  And soon my brother starts talking to me about the Jewish lady he has feelings for.  He believes she’s falling in love with him.  He has feelings for her.  But both are chained by the restrictions of society and are shackled by the mind of:  Religion.

Through the blur lights, through that talk, we came across a tower with these glass ornaments on them, very pretty, made of glass that’s blown, with lovely colors.  He said, “I want to get her one of them for Christmas.”

And in my head I thought about how come I’m not out to buy not one single person close or not close to me something for Christmas.  I thought about sending someone a gift for the sake of giving, for the sake of a reaction well-deserved for the occasion.  I than thought about will someone buy me something for Christmas other than my brother?

“Buy it for her than.”

“Which one should I get her?”  I pointed out the ones I liked, which were a flower, a lily, and a heart.  “Which do you like?”  He pointed to a dolphin and an angel.  “Get her the one you feel is right.”

While he chose the angel I took out my money and bought it for him thinking how even though I hate Christmas and I don’t feel like I’m having the sort of wonderful feelings he’s having for someone.. the least I could do is give him what he feels...

A Merry Early Christmas!  

Star~

I wanted to be free

but I kept to corners

four walls to my bedroom

circular to the globe

trotted in silence

I wanted to be whole

not half-united, Part, skim,
or fight for a small percentage.

I couldn’t find solace
It was madness
him chasing me.

Although if, and when,
he reversed my psychology

spit back my philosophy

I would chase him on every limb
until I was bridged
in a uproarious whirlwind.

Star~